I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?