i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
