My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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