Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
smell my finger.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
