he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
