She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
