none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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