I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
