What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
