she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
