I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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