Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
