I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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