i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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