I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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