I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
