im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, beer. Big fan.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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