Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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