I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
