I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
