do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
