i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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