last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
