there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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