I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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