1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
