Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
