chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
