Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
