I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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