Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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