SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
4 words: hood of his car
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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