Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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