but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
