he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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