P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
