the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
