apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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