nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
