So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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