Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
