I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He better not be in your backpack
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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