That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
