During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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