even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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