Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
