yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
