After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
