I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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