She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
