Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
