I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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