My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize