once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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