Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
