Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
