I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
