I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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