why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize