Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
