Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
