Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
