3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
