My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
