covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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