i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
