Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
