Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
