i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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