well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
