he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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