the condom got lost in my hair
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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