He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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