Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
