Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
