just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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