i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
