Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
