Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
