Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
